Ask Alison.

Should I have sex? I'm in love.
Okay, im thirteen and i have a boyfriend who is the greatest thing in my life right now, hes so suportive towards me..and i really would like to spend the rest of my life with him and i know alot of people are gunna tell me that im 13 and alot of things are gunna go on in my life that might change and i dont even know what love is, but trust me i do i know exactly what it is thanks too him, but anyways...we both wanna go further..cause we both have the same feelings for eachother, and i wanna go further but i dont know how far..i mean we have made out alot...and like fingered..whats next?

Sure, you love this guy. But love isn't a concrete thing - every new relationship you enter will show you new sides to love. Your personality isn't even fully formed until your mid-twenties, though, and you can't really love and understand someone else unless you can know and love yourself.

That aside, if you don't know how far to go, then don't go any further than you're at right now. In love or not, sex brings all sorts of complications - constant worries about pregnancy, the possibility of contracting a disease which could render you infertile or kill you, a higher chance of cervical cancer, etc. Sex also drastically changes the dynamics of a relationship - usually not for the better.

I think you should talk to your boyfriend about where you guy see this going. Figure out where you are both absolutely comfortable being, and experiment. Nobody in love wants to imagine that love could end, but it's healthy to take it all with a grain of salt. Think: 'If I did this, how would I feel if we broke up?'

Exploring sexual things and love for the first time is exhilarating, and you can never get that time back. Why rush?

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Posted on 2004-09-30 at 3:49 p.m.