okayy...so i love this guy since 4 years...things never worked out between us because of one reason or the other. we are still good frnds.....
we never talked about sex or anything like that...but now he wants to have sex with me. we just made a deal...actually we were just kidding around and he got serious.
he lives in canada and i live in germany...he will be here during the winter break...i dont know what to do...i really love him.
he wants his first time to be special..but i am not the sort who will have sex just for fun...i dont want to loose him again.
i dont want to back out but on the other hand i dont want to have sex other these conditions...where there is no commitment..i will always feel guilty about it...
plz help me on this...i am really confused...the last time we met he wanted to kiss me...he said that he was really attracted towards me that night but i backed out and that was a big turn off for him....
i cant talk to him about this because u know he is not in love with me...he really likes me but he has a wild side...
and my second question is...how does a guy find out that a gurl is not a virgin?if they are having sex that is...i will be thankful to u if u answer these questions..u have no idea how much it will help me..regards
Okay. It sounds to me like you already have a pretty good idea you shouldn't have sex with this guy. And you know what? You're right.
He doesn't love you, you love him. That's already a recipe for disaster - if you have sex with him to please him, it is not going to magically make him love you. And you've said you would regret having sex under these circumstances - so why give yourself something to regret?
I know it's hard liking someone who doesn't like you back - but try to take a step back and look at this objectively. He told you it was a turn off when you pulled away from a kiss - not very sensitive of him. He's also asking you to have sex but not be in a relationship - again, if this isn't what you're after, it's not a good idea.
While you may feel he's the guy for you, his behaviours do not match up with your expectations of a relationship. Maybe it's time to rethink your pact and do what feels right for YOU, not for another person.
Given time and distance (which it seems you guys have), perhaps you will be able to maintain a strong friendship - and find someone a little closer to home both geographically AND emotionally.
As for your second question, a guy can't tell if you are a virgin - not without some clues from you, anyway. Your first time is likely to have anything from discomfort to pain, and it will be hard to hide this from the guy. And besides, why would you want to?
If a guy knows it's your first time, he's more likely to be gentle and take his time - leading to a better experience for both of you.
Best of luck!