we have known each other for a long time..but all we did was talk online and we just met 5-6 times...
we have talked about not all but almost all the minor things in our life..and that now makes our life pretty boring..so we need to jump to another level..that is having sex..?
i dont know..i mean getting physical in the beginning is ok..but having sex doesnt sound good to me...its not that i dont love him,i really do,it all started off while we were discussing things and he told me that i usually back out from stuff..i said i wont back out this time..
and then the whole sex talk started..he says that if he dates sumone at this point of age,it will be a serious one..but if i say no to sex,it will be baking out and things will end before even they start..
he says that these things are uncertain..u never know if a relationship will work out or not...my situation is very complicated..i tried to tell him that lets meet first,talk and then the relationship might lead to sex..
but he assumed that i am backing out now...he said he will wait till th enext time we meet...no physical action for him till he meets me..i know him really well..he is the man of his words...
what should i do?how can i explain this to him?these things are not planned...i dont want to loose him...
This guy is pressuring you to have sex. He is playing on your emotions in a million ways - along with trying to appeal to your logical side. I'm sorry to say, but this is quite manipulative. Let's see if I can address your points in some sort of order...
First of all, if a relationship is boring, sex is not going to spice it up. Sex is a wonderful addition to the right relationship - if you've already run out of things to talk about or do not feel excited to discuss things with your partner, then the relationship isn't on the most stable ground.
You clearly do not want to have sex. This is okay. It's even incredibly sensible in this situation. Ultimately, you shouldn't have to explain anything. If you say you are not ready to have sex, then this guy really should listen to you and respect you for that, rather than trying to force you into sex to prove that you are not backing out of the relationship.
Now, your guy is right. Relationships are uncertain, and there are no long-term guarantees. However, I can virtually guarantee that a relationship founded on sex, pressure, and one person feeling the way you do will NOT succeed.
Maybe it might help to be really clear in your mind about your expectations from a partner and a relationship. If after thinking you still want to be with this guy, then you need to be VERY clear about your boundaries. Telling this guy you are not sure about sex, but you ARE sure you'd like to continue to be in a relationship is all you have to do.
If he continues to argue with you, pressure you, or try to talk you around to his point of view...then you are going to want to seriously think about whether this is worth it.
Best of luck.